When You’re in a Healthy Relationship but Still Don’t Feel Loved

Hi there GoodHuman ❤️

What happens when you’re in a healthy relationship—but lack self-love?

You find yourself seeking constant validation from your partner.

I’ve been with my husband, Danny, for 15 years. And for most of those years, the same questions echoed between us like a quiet ritual.
“Do you love me?”
“Do I look okay?”
“Do you still find me attractive?”

At first glance, those questions might seem normal—human, even. And they are. We all crave feedback and connection. But for me, those questions weren’t really about him or his answers.

They were about me.

Because deep down, I already knew he loved me. He told me, showed me, lived it every day. But there was a hollow feeling in my chest that never felt soothed, no matter how many reassurances he gave. That’s when I realized: the questions I was asking weren’t meant for him.

They were meant for me.

It was my inner Self asking, “Do you love me?” “Am I okay?” “Do you see me?” And because I hadn’t built that foundation of love and safety within myself, I had no real internal compass—no way to check in with me. So I turned to Danny, the closest extension of my heart, and unknowingly placed that responsibility in his hands.

In truth, I was using my relationship as a mirror—hoping it would reflect back the love I hadn’t yet learned to give myself. And that’s a heavy ask for any relationship.

The absence of self-love doesn’t always show up as self-hatred.

Sometimes, it looks like constant questioning, insecurity masked as need, or the quiet hope that someone else’s love will fill the parts of you that feel empty.

But it never does.

Only you can answer the questions that come from within. Only you can offer the reassurance that sticks. The love that soothes. The validation that satisfies.

And that begins when you finally turn inward and ask yourself,
“Do you love me?”
And learn how to answer, “Yes.”

My journey to Becoming a GoodHuman didn’t start with the language of self-love.

In fact, for a long time, I didn’t even know that’s what I was missing. But over time—through small moments in my journal, through quiet words of encouragement, through gentle check-ins with myself—I began to notice something shifting.

Those simple notes I wrote—You can do this. I’m proud of you. I love you.—became the love I had been seeking all along.

Slowly, I’m learning to love myself. And this blog? It’s an expression of that self-love.

So thank you for being here with me—for witnessing another honest, imperfect moment on this journey. If you’re looking for a place to begin your own, start small. Open a journal. Write a kind word to yourself. Reassure yourself. And maybe, just maybe, end with: I love you, [your name].

Because my dear GoodHuman—no matter your history, your wounds, your upbringing, or your doubts—you deserve to love yourself. Fully. Freely. And without condition.

There’s more to come. More lessons, more reflections, more of this unfolding path of self-love. I’ll meet you here next time, and we’ll keep walking it together. 

And if you feel like sharing, I’d love to hear what’s helped you in your self-love journey. Drop a note in the comments below—your story might just be the encouragement someone else needs today. 

Because that’s what sharing the GoodHuman journey is all about: encouraging one another, creating community, and reminding ourselves that we’re never as alone as we think. We’re in this together.

With so much LOVE, 

Taryn